Gundam Wing Blackboard Lines
by Nightheart
Summary: You know that part in the intro to "The Simpsons" where Bart is writing lines on a chalkboard? Well I did, and now here is is. Read, laugh, and enjoy.


Has anyone ever seen that part on the Simpsons where Bart is stuck in detention, writing lines on the chalkboard? Has anyone ever wondered what each of the five Gundam Pilots would write? Well I did, and now…for your veiwing torture, I mean pleasure I present to you… Gundam Wing Blackboard Lines.

If Heero Yuy Wrote Lines…

I will not fall asleep while jumping off cliffs.

I will not whip out my gun to silence the person I'm supposed to be protecting.

I will not use my laptop to alter my records.

Death threats are not signs of affection.

Relena won't "morph" if you squeeze her hard enough.

Relena doesn't "bounce".

I will not use my gun to order people out of their clothes.

I will not wear spandex, it gives people the creeps.

I will be easy to find.

I will not set my own leg.

Death threats are not signs of affection.

I will not attempt to self-destruct my Gundam, it hurts like hell.

My gun does not entitle me to free comestibles.

I will not steal parts off the other Gundams.

If Duo Maxwell wrote lines…

Wedgies are not certified by the Surgeon General.

I will not saran-wrap the toilets on April fools day.

Duo Dollars are not legal tender.

I will not break out into song.

I will not show off.

This does not "suck."

I will not play in the airlock.

Answering machines do not exist purely for my own amusement.

I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist.

There is no authority vested in me to pronounce you man and wife.

No one likes "see food."

That wasn't funny.

I will not yell out "It's a Gundam" every time I walk into the hanger.

I will not taunt the midgets.

Sunglasses are not necessary in outer-space.

I will not spread rumors.

If Trowa Barton wrote lines…

I will not move while my sister is throwing knives at me.

I will not run off without warning.

Clown shoes are not to be mistaken for french bread.

I will not attempt to self-destruct my Gundam.

I will not tease the lions with the managers coat.

I will not lapse into nostalgia.

My hair is not trendy.

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.

Next time it could be me in the drunk tank.

I will not put bubble gum in Duo's braid.

Nobody likes a critic.

I did not write "War and Peace."

I will not impersonate Relena Peacecraft.

I will not call the circus animals "my little minions."

I will not take advantage of Lady Une's emotional weaknesses. 

Elephants do not need to roam free in their natural environs.

I will not tell Relena that the lions want to be her friends.

Nobody likes Elvis Impersonations.

If Quatre Raberba Winner wrote lines…

Purple is not a fashion statement.

I will not strut around like I own the colony (unless, of course, I do.)

I will never again attempt to use the zero system.

I will not bleep in public.

I will not laugh while on the zero system.

Chalk outlines are no laughing matter.

I will not order the Maguanac Corps to perform the Pirates of Penzance when I ring the bell.

I will not make fun of Dorothy's emotional weaknesses.

I will resist the urge to disco right in the middle of Relena's speech.

They're Gundams, not lego.

My pet monkey does not qualify as a Gundam Pilot.

I will not fake a british accent.

A broken teacup is not the end of the world.

If Chang Wufei wrote lines…

I will not call my superior "Onna."

I can beat them up all I want before they are arrested.

I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.

I will not use justice as an excuse to maim people.

Nataku cannot talk back to me.

Chinese martial arts garb is not the official uniform of the Preventors.

I will not intentionally damage company cars.

I will not jump to conclusions.

I will not ask leading questions.

Sally, not Woman.

That's no excuse.

I do not hold power of attorney over other Preventors.

If Sally Po wrote lines…

I will not manipulate my partner.

I will use CPR only when necessary.

I will not test the limits of my partners sanity.

I will not submit my reports in pig latin.

Waking up without my coffee is perfectly natural.

I will not encourage him.

I will not sink down to his level.

I will not take advantage of my partner's delusional state.

I will not shoot my partner on a whim.

I will resist the urge to tug on Wufei's ponytail.

If Relena Darlian wrote lines…

I will not use my status to get my way.

I will not scream unless something is wrong.

His gun is on the desk and he isn't happy to see me.

I will not drink the tea at colony meetings.

I will not stand between Heero and the bullet.

I am not the Queen of the World. (Anymore.)

Teddy Bears are not an endangered species.

I do not have the authority to administer drug tests.

I will not get in the middle of a battle to deliver a letter.

I will never again attempt to have a life.

Pacifist does not mean that I can do whatever I damn well please.

I will not encourage my parakeet to nest in Heero's hair.

I will not build a tower out of office furniture.

I will not swipe Heero's gun clip.

If Hilde Shbiecker wrote lines…

I will not use my gun to get ahead in line at McDonalds.

I will listen to Duo. 

I will never again attempt to be a heroine.

Deathscythe is not a paperweight.

Duo's braid does not exist purely for my own amusement.

I will wear shirts that fit me.

I will not be willing to die at any time.

I will not shoot at Duo.

Handcuffs do not work with him.

I will not use hallucinogens to my advantage.

Dorothy Catalonia…

I will not make Quatre dress up in strap leather.

I will never again attempt to start a war.

Sneezing is not a punishable offense.

I am not a dentist.

Organ transplants are best left to the professionals.

I will not fence while using the zero system.

I will not attempt to manipulate events to my advantage.

Miss Relena is not in the mood for flattery.

I will not tell stories while fencing.

I will not ask leading questions.

I will not stab blonde Arabians.

They will not be remembered as noble sacrifices.

War is not beautiful.

Dorothy dollars are not legal tender.


End file.
